Saturday Morning Gossip Mongering

Grandma is a formidable adversary on the phone.  Many's the time I've evaded her verbal probes while she's on the other line, not giving inches for fear of losing miles.  It's a carefully choreographed dance: Grandma seeks, I hide.  We're very good at it.  We do it all the time.

This morning I had the unique opportunity to observe this ferocious hunter of information in her natural habitat, phone in hand, fishing for details of relatives lives, and fitting them into her giant picture puzzle memory.  Grandma remembers EVERYTHING, both the tantalizing and the mundane.  This is, in part, why she's so dangerous on the phone.  She is so subtle, so practiced, so manipulative.  Most people just don't see it coming, and to add insult to injury she does most of this on SPEAKER PHONE.  Today I learned about a distant cousin with "mental difficulty" due to a "traumatic childhood beyond what anyone can imagine" and another distant cousin who "became a WINE-O because of her philanthroping husband" (I think she meant philandering?) and "had to be rescued by her dear mother."  These tasty tidbits will, no doubt, find their place in the arsenal of gossip Grandma is armed at all times.  You never know when you'll need to fill in strangers with the most intimate details of your loved ones lives, y'know?

These Saturday morning sessions also serve as a way to exchange "war stories" with her fellow embattled octogenarians.  Each one has their own fights with Life, Living, their Bodies, their Health, their Medicare.  Macular Degeneration, Cataract Surgery, Gout, Cancer, and Arthritis.  Pills, Powders and Treatments.  Beds, Bathtubs, Canes, Wheelchairs, Walkers, and Oxygen Tanks.  They review how difficult it is to do the most trivial daily activities like eating and walking and breathing and going to the bathroom.  She had this conversation about ten times this morning. 

And, through it all, Grandma has the greatest attitude.  In her last conversation with a sister-in-law in California she said "As long as our minds work, the rest of us can go to pot!" drawing raucous cackles from both sides along with my utmost respect and admiration.  And you can tell her I said that.